Total Pageviews

Tuesday 21 June 2011

India to outlaw all forms of exercise

Moves are afoot in Delhi to outlaw all forms of exercise. The plan was mooted after ruckus raised in recent Lok Sabha debates on the disparity in the health standards of those who exercised and those who did not. After several rounds of discussions it was decided that since a larger proportion of Indians chose not to exercise it was only fair that the active ones cut down to bring about equality in physical fitness. “Equality is more important than excellence” was the cry raised by RJD chief Lalu Yadav who has been desperately seeking issues after his fall from grace in the past elections. The Left parties quickly joined in but not without pointing out that it was their comrades in Russia and North Korea that had originally shown the path to be equally pathetic. The issue also found resonance among the ruling benches with the health minister even claiming support of the pharmaceutical lobby in the bid to outlaw all forms of exercise. “Who better than the pharmaceutical companies to advice on health reforms?” the politician quipped rhetorically. 

In a reaction completely unexpected by the media, the proposed law has found ample support in the young school and college going population in cities and villages alike. “I used to feel very weak and inferior to those from my college who took up sports and represented the institution in competitions. Sure they work out in the gym before coming into college and play sports on weekends, sure they stick to health food and stay away from alcohol and cigarettes, but does that give them the right to look better than me or be healthier than me?”, a 22 year old boy asked while crying profusely. Support also came from younger quarters that said that such a law was needed to give a moral backing to playing computer games indoor and effectively stymie parent’s efforts to push children outside the house.

Given the overwhelming positive response to the proposed law, the opposition parties are wary of questioning the move. Sushma Swaraj, the leader of the opposition, said that in a mature democracy like India “the minority usually has to go with the majority’s will and it is necessary to do what people demand of us”. Several psychologists have also come out in support of the legislation. “Exercise is a matter of personal choice and should not be forced down anybody’s throat. There are examples in the animal kingdom of complete lack of exercise, the sloth, the tortoise, the hibernating polar bear are all very sedentary animals and still live a full and a long life. The feeling that one has to exercise is due a warped sense of normalcy that has roots in culture but is without scientific backing. We need to challenge the set norms to grow as a society and be more broad-minded. I fully endorse the stand taken by the government on this issue” said Dr AR Kavi in an exclusive interview to our journalist.

The only opposition has come from gym owners, dieticians and fitness trainers but has been summarily dismissed by the government citing “vested interests” and “foreign hand”, when referring to several global fitness franchises. A street protest by some was swiftly broken up and the fitness conscious miscreants were marched, very slowly, to the nearest police station. NRI doctors and other professionals abroad that opposed the move were also swiftly dismissed as “being elitist”. 

The government will be setting up a cabinet level committee in a fortnight to look into exploring all aspects of the law and coming out with a draft for adoption as soon as possible. There are clear indications that the armed forces will be brought under the purview of the bill and training grounds belonging to them are already being valued for possible auction in the near future. While the police force will also form part of the Act it is widely believed that this would only be a formality as officers across the country already conform to the new standards likely to be specified.

There is also a murmur that the level of difficulty in academics will be brought down to the level of the lowest common denominator. The education minister said with a proud grin that this would render the answer papers of the most intelligent student virtually indistinguishable from that of the rest of students and bring about democracy in academics as well. “There is no reason why only intelligent students should be allowed to become doctors. In a democracy all professions are equal, be it a doctor or a municipal clerk” the education secretary said in a press briefing 

In the meanwhile, India’s neighbours have welcomed this move. China recognised the pressure the Indian government is under due to the opposition from bourgeoisie health groups to scrap this act. The Chinese foreign minister pledged all support to the Indian PM Manmohan Singh saying “India has always been a teacher to the world. Some of its ideas in the past too may have been seen with equal suspicion, but we urge the Indian government to persist with its ideals and are confident that great results in just a few decades will prove the detractors wrong”. The law is expected to be adopted without discussion and without opposition in the Lok Sabha in the next twelve months.

No comments:

Post a Comment