Hypothetical commencement of the third world war

This is my visualization of how third world war commences. This is not a well thought out piece and WW3 is certainly not on my wish-list but I believe in weighing various possibilities given today’s volatile situation across the globe.

Given the unrest in the middle east, this is the most fertile ground for commencement of WW3. WW2 started, as I have learned from Indian history books (so it may be completely wron), when Germans felt insulted and alienated by the world community. Hitler sought to project an image of a superior race with other races either being killed or being made subservient to the Aryans (that he thought his race was).

Think about it for a second, don’t we have a similar situation in the middle east today? A whole bunch of people feel the non-believers are harassing them. They feel alienated notwithstanding some of their own weakness in assimilating with other cultures. The most recent example of this lack of assimilation is from Switzerland where Muslims want the flag changed because they don’t ‘like’ the cross! (http://english.pravda.ru/world/europe/12-10-2011/119306-switzerland-0/).

The other aspect, ie. Superiority complex is also already present, with all other faiths and paths being called “of the devil” and “false” and “satanic” by the hardline Islamic clergy.

All that this region lacks is a trigger and a flag bearer to lead the war. Could it be Iran and its strong leader? I don’t think so. Iranians are Shia and as such are much discriminated against. Plus the richest power Saudi Arabia is a pawn in US hands. I think the war will begin between India and Pakistan. This is also the reason I write this, to increase awareness of this possibility so that India may prepare itself for a long and arduous journey ahead that many of today’s “big boss” watching citizens are ill fitted for.

This is how it will go down:

Sooner or later, the U.S. is going to attack the north western border of Pakistan to stop the Pakistani army and the ISI from supporting Islamic terrorists. Already statements from Hillary Clinton, the army chiefs and some U.S. senators on their growing “frustration” with Pakistan are quite telling.

Pakistani army too feeble to respond on it own will want to draw its benefactor China into the fray. But China is not going to go against the U.S., so Pakistan must first bring India into the proceedings and it knows this. So Pakistani army will raise the bogey of how India helped fuel American planes or how it gave on the ground intelligence to the Americans and use this pretext to fire rockets into India or carry out 26/11 style terrorist attacks. India, scared as this government is, will have to respond due to public opinion and will send its army to take out terrorist camps across the border and in PoK.

We already credibly know that PoK is controlled by the Chinese and India will have to fight with the PLA in PoK. This will inflame China but it cant do anything directly since officially it has nothing to do with the PoK. So China will get Bangladesh, Nepal and Sri Lanka to respond to India under some pretext of the other. Sri Lanka already has the LTTE issue with India and Bangladesh has the border issue so finding reasons will not be difficult. Notably, these are relations that China cultivated when the Congress foreign minister was busy reading wrong speeches in the parliament. J

These countries hardly have an army to speak of, but they will be supplied with enough tanks and rockets and guns by China to make it a contest with India. Pakistan will take advantage of India’s predicament and invade us in Kashmir, Punjab and the Rann of Kutch. India will continue to fight on three fronts (North, East and South) fruitlessly. Eventually the political einsteins will realize that this is a losing battle as long as the supply chains to these four countries are not disrupted. The supply chain to Sri Lanka may be cut off by the navy, but the supply chain to Nepal and Bangladesh will invariable see the Indian army attacking some part of China. This will China the reason it needs to invade India with all the weapons it made while Indian politicians were busy counting the loot from the 2G give-away.

At this point, India will begin to lose territory, with significant parts of Arunachal Pradesh, Punjab, Gujarat, and almost all the North-Eastern states taken over and shared between Pakistan and China. India will have no option but to ask help from NATO, this will draw in western powers into war. Rapidly Islamic countries will project this as a war between angels and demons (with themselves as angels, obviously) and pledge support to Pakistan. While Saudis can do as much damage on the battlefield as a eunuch in a harem, that will not prevent them from selling fuel to the ‘God’s army’ and giving cash. Iran, which has so far been a friend to India, may use this an opportunity to ingratiate itself to the rest of the Islamic world and join their side.

With America in the fray, China will ask North Korea to attack Indian battleships that are keeping Sri Lanka in check. North Korea will then ‘preemptively’ attack South Korea and Japan to ensure that it can carry out its own operations against India in peace. China may use the proceedings to take over Taiwan, finally.

At this point local unrest will hit a lot of countries given the projection of this war as a ‘holy’ war (notwithstanding China that is an atheistic country). England will be first to withdraw from international conflict to concentrate on a domestic uprising that has come about as a result of a sustained demographic change. Alas, it will be too late for the Queen’s country to control its populace then and will agree to an uneasy truce with its own citizens on the premise that it will not side with the allies in this ‘holy war’.

Russia will choose to remain neutral in the war willing to supply anyone with money, gas, petrol, expertise and weapons. The war will end in stalemate naturally. Japan and South Korea will be completely devastated, Taiwan will be a part of China. Most of India’s north-east, north and north-west will be taken over by Pakistan and China. Pakistan, China, India and the U.S. will suffer exceptionally heavy damage. Russia will emerge as the new world superpower while U.S. and China, go into slow decline like what happened to the U.K. after WW2.

This is a hypothetical piece and no offense meant to any religion, so please don’t cut off my hands for typing this, no offense meant to the CONgress, so please don’t sue me.  I retract everything as I type it.

Faking News: Congress proposes fuel adulteration as solution for inflation

Harrowed by the never-ending corruption cases and uncontrollable inflationary pressures, the government is facing new protests over the most recent increase in fuel prices. Towards this end a high-level meeting chaired by Sonia Gandhi, UPA’s cabinet committee proposed the legalisation of fuel adulteration as the most effective solution for the problem.

Ex-Finance Minister Chidambaram was the first to meet mediapersons to explain the ground-breaking decision. “The law of demand and supply is the most fundamental building block of economics that I was taught in Harvard. See, India demands ‘x’ litres of petrol every year but only a lower, ‘y’, litres are available. This structural mismatch causes equilibrium to happen at a higher price point straining the public purse. The only way to keep prices stable then is to increase the availability of petrol. Since we have no magic wand, like the honourable Prime Minister has repeatedly clarified earlier, why not use adulteration agents to expand the supply of fuel”. Chidambaram continued “the beauty of the decision is that it simultaneously solves a lot of criminal and corruption issues as well and will hit a chord with the youth of today. With adulteration legalised, various criminal cases such as the burning of the municipal officer and the murder of a journalist recently can be closed without unnecessary arrests.”

In the aftermath of this landmark decision, it was after a long time that a confident Congress faced the opposition in the Lok Sabha. UPA spokesperson, Kapil Sibal, said that since no additional fuel would be imported to meet demand, this move would lead to a zero-loss to the exchequer. Rahul Gandhi, interrupted Zero Hour in the Lok Sabha to argue pointedly that since there are two Indias, why could there not be two fuels for the country – adulterated and unadulterated. He further proposed snatching the initiative and making constitutional changes to similarly regularise criminal activity and take workload off the various courts in the country. Only the Prime Minister Mr. Manmohan Singh seemed a bit surprised with the move and gave the impression of being left completely out of the loop on decisions being taken by his government. Digvijaya Singh when contacted for comments on the new fuel policy said “Hindus are the biggest threat to the world today. Unless dangerous people such as Baba Ramdev and Anna Hazare are not dealt with a firm hand India cannot hope to be a superpower. The cry to hang convicted terrorists like Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab only highlights the communal nature of the RSS and I have phone call transcripts to prove their involvement in the 9/11 attacks on the U.S.A.” While this comment seems out of place, media is now accustomed to it being repeated in response to any question that is asked of Mr. Singh.

The opposition is flabbergasted with the governments response and self-congratulatory attitude even as small time fuel adulterators reposed their faith in the elected government. There is already talk on publicising this unique decision as Rahul baba’s brainchild to launch him on the national stage in 2014 as a Prime Ministerial candidate.




--this is a work of fiction, all references to people living/dead or appearing to be living/ dead are coincidental and not meant to hurt their sentiments (in other words, I am perhaps an idiot for thinking free speech is allowed in India but please dont arrest me under the new cyber law) 

Why the sudden focus on Narendra Modi?

I have been intrigued by the sudden focus of the media on the impending battle between Shri Narendra Modi and Raul baba of late. While I may have normally dismissed this as the usual media frenzy, what interested me is the news of a surprise report in the U.S. Congress on the same topic. What truly reeled me in to the real story was another surprise report in the U.S. that to quote the article “Identifying Gujarat as perhaps the best example of effective governance and impressive development in India, a Congressional report showered praise on the chief minister Narendra Modi and said that the state under him has become a key driver of national economic growth” (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Narendra-Modis-Gujarat-best-example-of-effective-governance-US-report/articleshow/9977258.cms)

I said, hang on, isn’t this the same U.S.A. that had the audacity a few years ago to refuse the visa to an elected representative of India? Isnt it the same U.S. which publically condemned Modi for his alleged involvement in the 2002 riots? Why have they suddenly changed tune and why are these ‘different tuned’ reports coming out at the EXACT same time as the outcome of the Zakia Jafri case and just as the Congress party in India is tom-toming a 2014 Modi vs. Raul baba battle.

While clearly there is little to compare between Baba and Shri Modi, it is interesting to understand the genesis and the desperate need of the Congress government to trigger this debate (yes, I believe it is the Congress pulling Modi in to the PM race more than the BJP). The willingness of the U.S. to help the Congress party in this Goebblesque propaganda can perhaps only go to strengthen some people’s belief that the Indian government has a foreign hand controlling it (remember the PM was willing to resign if the nuclear pact was not passed but showed no such desperation in bringing an estimated US$1.4 trillion black money into India or arresting his corrupt colleagues or passing a Jan Lokpal bill). The coincidence of the U.S. report and the sudden attention by ‘independent’ media on this matter simple *cannot* be ignored.

To understand this, one has to consider the situation the Congress in India finds itself in today. The party has been facing an onslaught of corruption cases (which Subramanian Swamy alleges emanate from Sonia Gandhi herself - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnU6TT1l7OA). While they have no answer to the corruption cases (some of which have national security implications), Congress does have answers to terrorism, but such answers that I wish they had remained mum on this failing as well! Some examples:

A) Wikileaks reveals that Digvijay Singh, the political mentor of baba, has even admitted that they “pander to Islamists” (http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-09-06/india/30118345_1_congress-leader-digvijay-singh-regional-parties)

B) Baba himself was caught with his proverbial pants down by wikileaks while saying that its not the Islamic terrorists that are a threat to India but infact Hindus (http://ibnlive.in.com/news/wikileaks-rahul-voiced-fears-of-hindu-terror/137703-3.html), a mind boggling inference possible only for a complete idiot or to a divine entity (and we all know what Rahul is…divine or course! http://centreright.in/2011/06/some-popular-myths-revisited/).

C) Baba is incorrigible and decided to take another swipe at being a leader and after the umpteenth Mumbai blast which tore even the famous, post-expiry-date Mumbai Spirit to shreds admitted defeat and implied that they cannot stop all terrorist attacks (due to A above, perhaps?) and that we would have to continue to die in similar events and we should just accept it. (http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report_mumbai-blasts-rahul-gandhi-s-gaffe-puts-congress-on-defensive_1565905)

D) The Home Minister seemed to be scrambling to make an even more idiotic statement to take attention away from baba’s gaffe above famously stating that not having intelligence is not an intelligence failure (http://www.timesnow.tv/articleshow/4378649.cms). Isnt that a bit like saying, if I go for an exam and do not write a single word because I haven’t studied, is not a examination failure? Will I get promoted to the next class then? It would seem so because these statements suggest that some of these eminent politicians have passed school on such a basis alone!

The economy is in shambles with inflation running in double digits and the PM publically complaining on more than one occasion that he doesn’t not have magical powers to deal with problems that thus far I thought were issues that could be handled administratively. On the other hand, the State of Gujarat is proving the Indian adage of ‘nothing can change’ wrong almost on a daily basis.

Anyway, the examples are endless but this gives one an idea the dire straits Congress finds itself in today and this will make clear why Congress is so keen to project a 2014 Modi versus baba battle today. (I leave the merits of the Zakia Jafri judgement given my limited legal knowledge and with both sides claiming victory).

So what does the dirty-tricks-department of my favourite party do, they decide to make 2014 (I still think it might be 2011) a personality contest. They use the confusing outcome of the Jafri case to suggest that Narendra Modi has now moved beyond the shadow of 2002 to emerge as a frontrunner PM candidate in the BJP. This achieves three purposes,

A: Foster a divide in the opposition: Even as a doddering Advani decides to do another Rath yatra to hang on to his distant dream and Sushma Swaraj eyes the post of the PM, the emergence of Narendra Modi will cause friction within the BJP and cause some important functionaries to break away. Already we have the Janata Dal (United), a small faction in the NDA, saying that they want Nitish Kumar as the PM and not Narendra Modi. If these guys start bickering over *just* rumours imagine what will happen when the actual names are announced whosoevers they may be! This is exactly what the Congress wanted. In fact they want to raise the stature of Narendra Modi to such an extent that he himself no longer tows the party-line and demands to be made the PM candidate alienating himself from even his well-wishers.

B: Polarise the country: Congress believes that Narendra Modi is the most polarising figure in the country today. Many Muslims and Christians may be demoralised by their traditionally favourite party given the almost brazen, legalisation of corruption (what else do you call it when contracts buying toilet rolls for US$100 are freely put up for public viewing and bribes in the 2G case are being paid via cheques?). The Congress wants its vote-banks to continue to vote for it by apparently saying “look on one hand you have the divine baba, the Son, the saviour, the man who knows too little; and on the other hand you have the satanic Narendra Modi. Sure we are bad and we looted the country and probably will continue to do so but still is that worse than having Narendra Modi at the help, the dealer of death (Sonia Gandhi’s words I think?).

C: Divert attention of its failings: By getting India’s ‘independent’ media to focus on a hypothetical battle between improbable contenders at an undecided date, they take attention away from the various court cases the party and government are entangled in. Soon Anna Hazare is forgotten as is Baba Ramdev as is Jan Lokpal, 2G, 3G, CWG, Food scam, Antrix Devas, Air India, Indian railways, inflation, crime, bomb blasts, terrorism, China invading India everyday and the countless other failings that have become the hallmark of a party over the last 60 years. Soon people get caught up in the usual media inanity and then the Big Bossssss season 5 or 6 or 7 or whichever starts and then people will forget everything paving the way of The Son’s re-election in 2014 which He will fight most probably against a Nitish Kumar or a Jayalalitha anyway.

What can people do? Most simply, not get drawn into comparisions. Understand the real game plan as I have, Whoever contests and wins in 2011 or 2014, we want a clean government and we want culprits to be brought to book. Even as I write I see news that the government may be considering an amnesty scheme for black money stashed abroad. That is fine, give amnesty for money taken out to save tax, but what about money earned through illegal means? Are we going to condone that? What about money stashed abroad by politicans? Why cant we know their names and amounts? This government has more experience in mangling the truth that anyone else in the world and they will do anything to take our eyes off the corruption scandals that have erupted. This is India’s last chance to get rid of the corrupt lot, do not lose sight of the real issue. Demand more rights, snatch them if you have to. Bring those who have looted this country since independence to book and use the confiscated wealth to better our country. The opposition should learn the benefits of unambiguous leadership from the Congress, it prevents bickering and infighting and projects a strong united front for people to vote in favour of. The best thing BJP and the NDA can do today is have a marathon week long session and come up with a PM candidates name and stick to it. Even if Modi is not made the PM, there are positions like Home Ministry or Defence Ministry that he can do a great deal for. Remove this speculation once and for all and gear up to win elections when they come. Do not dig a hole for the Congress and then jump into it first.

*the above is the work of fiction and any resemblance to people living or dead or appearing to be living or dead is coincidental and neither wished to be expressed or implied*

The Anna-gony of weak minds…

With anti-corruption fervour reaching a crescendo, India unfortunately has a lot of its usual naysayers come out of the woodwork. This is not surprising as there is a mentality of certain people who enjoy taking a contrarian stance, not out of conviction but out of habit (more often than not, these creatures lack the ability or the desire to understand the issues to form a conviction either way). Perhaps psychologists have already identified this as a condition emanating from the inability to garner attention in their lives, I don’t know. Or perhaps I am mistaken in considering myself the biggest cynic around, and it is these people who really deserve the title who are so afraid of expecting anything good in their lives lest they cant handle disappointment afterwards. Even if it were to end in disappointment, I believe in trying to give my all to the present and to such people I can only say, you cannot not go to a party tonight because you are scared of a hangover tomorrow.

Most of the arguments against the ongoing ‘Team Anna’ movement are focussed on the peripheries given that having substance to arguments takes efforts and intelligence. Since I know most people form views and then shut their minds tight (if they exist) from any information that is contra to what they believe, I have chosen to call my discussion facile points and my indulgence of those facile points rather than questions and answers:

Facile point 1: Once a government is elected, it is wrong to blackmail them

Indulgence 1: Weak minds like buzzwords, like ‘blackmail’. Another good one is ‘fake’. These words, to them, are arguments in themselves not requiring any further corroboration. “Once I call someone ‘fake’, that will seal the case” seems to be the refrain. Have you noticed very bad salespeople using a lot of buzz words? I remember Barkha Dutt keeping on harping about “Khabar” when she was caught red handed allegedly passing messages in what appears to be a horse trading transaction.

While clearly buzzwords carry weight among equally weak minds (it must, else it would not have been advanced as an argument anywhere), it really doesn’t hold any water. It is the constitutional right of everyone to protest and to brand that right is blackmail is to take someones right away. It is similar to taking away the right to freedom or right to free speech. If the protest is wrong or useless it will die down. Sometimes the protest is valid but does not capture public imagination and dies down, harshly. An example is the 73-day fast of Swami Nigamananda against mining near the Ganges which ended with his death. Notably, here the BJP was in power in that state (Uttarakhand). No one cried ‘blackmail’ then!  In fact I am sure that most people reading this article will only have a passing knowledge of this incident. So what these people are calling blackmail is actually the governments surprise on seeing mass support, as can be gleaned from the Ganga mining case, a person fasting to death alone is not ‘blackmail’ this government!

Facile point 2: People get the government they deserve, so live with corruption

Indulgence 2: Though I partially agree with the point, thankfully the Einsteins who make this argument blindly did not write India’s constitution. It is a sign of a mock democracy (covert dictatorship) if people elected parties but were then kept away from participative process of running the country. That’s a quasi dictatorship. If it was not, then the Indian constitution would have banned protests! Why it would have banned an opposition or even the holding of assembly sessions!

But that’s going too far, if this argument was true then several countries would not have been free and South Africa, U.S and most of the European world would have had legalised racial discrimination.

If this argument was really believed in by its proponents, then they should have protested against the National Advisory Commission which is also a self styled civil society body (though headed by Sonia Gandhi) which suggests ridiculous (in my reading) pieces of legislation such as the Communal Violence Bill, 2011.

But I know, no protests were forthcoming because the resistance of this fringe idiocracy was not due to ideological opposition to the concept of a vibrant democracy (which India did not appear to be till a few weeks back) but solely to make up for attention deficit in their personal or professional lives.

Facile point 3: Anna is corrupt/ he doesn’t represent the people/ he should stand for elections and then get his Bill

Indulgence 3: This logic is so far up the ridiculous scale that even its proponents believe that it’s a good argument.

The most striking feature of this argument is that from very general objections, this one is more specific, more personal. But again, specific arguments against the Jan Lokpal Bill itself (the real issue) are not advanced, because that would require a thorough reading of both the government and Anna’s draft, and that would mean efforts and bring into question the debaters mental abilities. We cant have that!

To this my rebuttal is simple. Maybe Anna is corrupt, so are you saying he is bringing an Act that will make it easier to arrest him? So you are saying he is smart enough to create a media circus, draft an actual bill, fight with an government and be corrupt at the same time but he is stupid enough to commit political suicide? Pick one guys, either decide he is smart and non-corrupt or decide he is stupid and corrupt. Perhaps that is too much effort? But that is the long form version of my answer, my personal view is, I don’t care either way. Show me what you find objectionable in the Bill. I too have my reservations on the Jan Lokpal but that is to be debated in the parliament and revised, but the governments Jokepal is so atrocious that I am willing to live with my reservations on Jan Lokpal not being considered rather than facing a Jokepal.

Anna does actually represent the people, he was appointed by a notification in the official gazette as a part of the team that represented the civil society. If the government did not think he was representative then were they so incompetent/ stupid to let him in anyway with a official gazette notification? If it is so, then do we want a incompetent/ stupid government at the helm or are we better off holding elections? That is my question back to these newtons. Anna does not need to stand for elections to get his Bill discussed as he was already part of the joint drafting committee. Also, if one were to wait for someone to get near 300 seats in elections before doing anything then nothing would happen in this country!

Facile point 4: Anna wants his copy of the bill to be passed.

Indulgence 4: This argument was completely wrong till a few days back but now its only partially wrong. The original demand of Anna was only that his bill be tabled along with the government’s draft in parliament for debate and voting. However, from what I see in the media Anna is now demanding his Bill be passed. However, Anna is also willing to concede to things like removing judiciary from its ambit. So in fact Anna was always willing to reconsider some of his view on the bill and that’s why he wanted it to be debated in parliament. Such debate would have also shown the country which party supports stringent anti corruption laws and which doesn’t!

Facile point 5: Everyone/ most who is protesting are corrupt themselves or have paid bribes

Indulgence 5: While this is a factual statement to a degree, it is hardly an argument for someone not to protest. The people protesting against corruption have been victims of corruption at some point, so should they not protest? This is like saying a rape victim should not ask for stringent punishment for rapists! It sounds illogical but this is exactly the argument that is being advanced. The proponents of this logic are somehow arguing that the poor bribe payer enjoyed giving the money away so he cant protest against it (why else would there be a moral issue in bribe payers fighting the corrupt?!), so are they also saying the rape victim enjoyed the act, hence cant fight for justice?! How preposterous is that!

It is also worthwhile to discuss what exactly one means by corruption as well. Subramanian Swamy has given us a ‘demand-side’ definition, ie. If anyone makes gains by the misuse of public office, then that is corruption. So if a husband demands dowry it is not corruption, its extortion, since no ‘public office’ was misused. So even if Baba Ramdev may have received donations (as the Congress alleges to try and discredit him) from black money pools, he cant be called corrupt (Swamy gives a good taxi driver analogy to make his point), since he has not used a public office for illegal gain. Moreover, his books are clean and available for examination so appears to have not been any cheating on the way the money was spent.

I propose to look at corruption from the ‘supply-side’. I divide it into two categories: a) corruption for undeserved benefit and b) Corruption in the nature of extortion. The first type is the one of the kind telecom companies allegedly indulged in, they were not qualified for legal and technical reasons to gain 2G spectrum but they bribed the telecom minister who misused public office and conferred undeserved gain. This type of corruption would seldom be complained against by its parties since both have gotten something out of it which they didn’t deserve. A telecom company got a scarce national resource for peanuts and the minister allegedly got billions and billions of dollars.

The second type of corruption affects common man (though arguably it’s the first type that’s worse for the country financially). Indians pay bribes for driving licenses, for almost every other sort of license, to get into colleges, to get passports done and what not. In poor areas people may be paying bribes to get government sponsored scheme benefits, to get out of jail, to get into government hospital, to get into public schools, to get food, to get water, to get anything. I think it’s a cruel joke, in very bad taste and a reflection of the uncouth culture of the person who equates both types of corruption knowingly.

So yes, most people protesting have paid bribes but they are the victims of the second type of corruption. Yes, a lot of them could have avoided (though sometimes that is not possible!) paying a bribe but people have lives, they cant afford to (not that they don’t want to) keep circling government offices for decades for something that should take 48 hours. This is like saying Mumbaikars go to work the day after serial blasts due to some sort of an ‘Mumbai spirit’ that only politicians seem to be able to see. People go, fearing for their life and limb, because they have no choice! They go because, unlike leaders, they don’t have money stashed away in swiss bank accounts to allow them to stay indefinitely at home without work. If anything a bribe payer of the second type has the most locus standi to protest!

I have endeavoured to answer all the facile arguments I have seen made on various social media mostly by people who are not doing anything in this fight and want to ride on Anna’s fame by deriding him. Deride him all you want, just tell me….what do you think is wrong with the Jan Lokpal Bill!

World's most expensive blog post

This is the story of an ordinary man travelling from Dubai to India after a brief working-vacation.

The man in question was carrying a flat screen TV (which are about 60-70% cheaper in Dubai than in India) back home. He had read up on all customs duty rules that told him the import duty on the TV would be about Rs3500-3800, a great deal cheaper than a similar TV in India. Ah, but the presumption (and it was being presumptuous!) being the existence of at least one honest Indian, that has become something of a Loch Ness monster, everyone has heard of, but no one has seen it.

The hapless traveler was accosted by six customs officials at the booth who took away his passport without reason and assessed the value of the TV at 4 times what was stated in the bill. The resultant duty demand was raised at Rs40,000. (about 10x as much). Given that the Indian Customs rule do not allow anyone carrying more than Rs7500 in cash to the country, instead of raising this demand, the customs officials, if acting in good faith, should have confiscated the said import. 

Surprised by the sudden development, the traveler took the high road downloading customs duty rules on his iPhone and showing the 'gang' the correct duty that is to be levied. The customs officials gave him two choices:

1) the traveler stay in their 'custody' for an unspecified duration, of course without a warrant or any official notification till such unspecified time they feel he has been harassed enough to pay up; or

2) he pay the duty that he is calculating and leave. But there is a hitch, in words of the head of customs at the airport, "If some policeman happens to search you as you leave the airport, and if he happens to find something seriously contraband on your person, what will you do, you will be in serious trouble!"  

So the traveler has two choices, either to remain in custody indefinitely or then run the risk of being arrested with a gram of cocaine or something of the sort being surprisingly 'found' on his person. 

There is a third choice that is offered by the loyal servants of government of India themselves..."why dont you just take care of the situation privately?". So the traveler who has so far prided himself of not having ever paid a bribe ever is forced to go to an ATM that is conveniently placed just past the customs station (wondering if that is the sole purpose of it!) to withdraw cash to pay Rs13,000 to these people. Given that honesty and fair dealing is extremely important to this man, he agrees with himself that these are just fees he has paid for a) learning how honest people are forced to pay bribes by the threat of an arrest of a possible drug related charge that would end his life and career and b) investment advice on not investing in a country that is in a terminal decline.

After making the payment to a policeman who collects the money in the cleaning room, who also escorts him out of the airport, the traveler is struck by the need to make a police complaint. But he remembers that it is one of the gravest crimes in India to give a bribe. This would lead him to be liable for an arrest when he goes to the cops about being ripped off and then they will demand more money to let him go lest they charge him with some other crime. Clearly, the framers of this law either believed that people like giving money away, most of all to corrupt government officials and this law should be enough to prevent such illicit happiness from spreading or then the lawmakers did not want to clog the police stations with corruption complaints that would not be acted upon anyway.

The man also realises as he walks to a cab that his other luggage has not been scanned or searched. It also answers the question on how explosives are smuggled into India to kill 100s of people in bomb blasts. 

All it takes is a TV and Rs13,000.

*The above work maybe the work of fiction and resemblances to real people or situations is coincidental.*

Ahimsa is not a universal truth

Gandhi’s insistence for the principal of non-violence (ahimsa) and his experiments with the concept are well known. To be fair they inspired people such as Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela who once remarked “At a time when Freud was liberating sex, Gandhi was reining it in, when Marx was pitting workers against capitalists, Gandhi was reconciling them; when the dominant Europe thought had dropped God and Soul out of the social reckoning, he was centralising society in God and the Soul; and when the ideologies of the colonised had virtually disappeared, he revived them and empowered them with a potency that liberated and redeemed”

That Gandhi was a pioneer in his style of resistance is of no doubt to anyone, but his apparent insistence on a “one size fits all” was the bone of contention of many. I am reading an excellent book “The untold story of India’s partition” by Narendra Singh that chronicles the period leading upto the tragic date of rending India, beginning with the duration of the second world war. While Narendra’s book seems to squarely place the blame for the partition on the British and the Muslim League (which at every point appeared to advance British interests over India’s) this is for you folks to decide on reading this book, that I highly recommend. Narendra also blames the Congress for its haphazard policies, no clear stand, knee jerk moves and divergent opinions on hastening the process of division. But personally, I think while the Congress may have been guilty of incompetence, their intent (at least in those days) was not malicious to India’s detriment. The book also suggests the gradual side-lining of the great Subhash Chandra Bose by Gandhi and the rest of Congress as his popularity soon over shadowed those of the Grand Old Party’s tallest leaders! It also hints at how Gandhi’s ahimsa was extremely irritating for even members of the Congress, a charge that they now conveniently hurl at only the RSS.

It is interesting to note that Britain’s insistence for partition came from its desire to have troops stationed on the subcontinent to counter any Russian adventure in the region. The British knew that an independent India would not allow for foreign troops to be stationed on its soil if India become independent. The next thing was the use their good offices with the Muslim League and a rabidly ambitious Jinnah (who knew he was dying anyway) to conspire for the division of the country so get a base in North West India (now known as Pakistan) for their troops. This is also evident from the fact that soon after partition Pakistan did join with Britain in a couple of cooperation and military pacts. The book also identifies the Aga Khan as one of the persons responsible for the flowering of the idea that hindus and muslims are different nations.

Anyway coming back to, the failure of Gandhi to apply his one size fits all philosophy that eventually saw his get assassinated is evident from a few instances mentioned in the book. The first example is the conversation that took place with Lord Linlithgow, the viceroy, in the summer of 1940 soon after Hitler had overrun France. In a chat that left the Lord white in the face with no words, Gandhi said:

“Let them (Germans) take possession of your beautiful island, if Hitler
chooses to occupy your homes, vacate them, if he does not give you
free passage, allow yourself man, woman and child, to be slaughtered”

This outburst led many in the British establishment question Gandhi’s sanity. This is also the moment perhaps that endeared the British to the Muslim League and away from the Congress. On the other hand I cannot help but note with sarcasm how many more lives Gandhi was willing to sacrifice for his Ahimsa instead of a resistance, which in this case, almost certainly would have cost fewer lives!

Anyway, the next para that I pick verbatim from the book, highlights what I have always felt about the concept of Ahimsa and other means of non-violent protests:

“At the core of the great mans confusion at this stage of his life was whether or not or how far to continue to adhere to the policy of non-violence in a situation that was changing grom a purely colonial struggle to something different, more akin to one faced by independent states in their dealings with other states. The true power of the satyagraha lay in provoking deep moral stirrings in the oppressor by the willingness of the oppressed to withstand all atrocities even to the extent of calmly facing self-annihilation. It is a tenet for action by individuals who risk their lives or those of their near and dear ones. It cannot be a gospel for leaders of sovereign states to fight aggression by another country.

No leader of a country can afford to turn the other cheek to an invading army and risk defeat of his country and annihilation of perhaps millions. Non violence could be used to fight racism (as in S. Africa) or colonialism (as in India) practiced by people who are capable of doubting the morality of their own policies and actions. It cannot be a policy to fight pressures exerted by people with totally different ethical or moral values or by fundamentalists or jihadis”

This is a most succinct exposition of what I believe of the principal of non-violence and I am sad that I am not as articulate as the author!

Gandhi’s own doubts are evident from his statement to Vincent Sheen, his biographer, two days before his death. He said “Mind you, no ordinary government can get along without the use of force”. Or his statement on 29th October 1947 that the Indian army would have to “do or die” in Kashmir. This from a man who very recently had advocated a genocide of British in their own country rather than a armed resistance to an invader!

But much as it may surprise readers, I actually admire this about Gandhi. As a staunch believer of the premise “when the facts change, I change my mind” Gandhi’s doubt was a sign of intelligence that he himself doubted the veracity of his belief that non-violence could be applied to any and all situations. However, the interim doubt and contradictory positions he took often, especially during the religious riots leading up to the partition of India was what takes some sheen off MK Gandhi, in my humble view. If he had started with the thought “Ahimsa is a great idea, but it will not work all the time and will need pragmatic application”, he, in my view, would not have stoked the mentality that eventually led to his tragic assassination.

It also brings us to a bigger question. That Baba Ramdev and Anna Hazare fasted against the Indian government with no success. So is one correct in assuming that the Indian government lacks the ability to doubt the morality of their own actions? If so, then it would squarely put the Indian government in the league of fundamentalists and jihadis, would it not?

Once again all credit (and source reference) to this excellent book I mentioned earlier and I recommend it to all Indians.

My problem with Shah Rukh Khan, and why I will not watch any films of his…

Ok, I can understand 99% of people given to not reading beyond the headlines will probably call this stand of mine as lunacy, but for those with enough sense to read on, allow me to expand on my reasons for this democratic protest, that in reality doesn’t harm SRK at all (he has like a billion admirers) but does save me from his mindless drivel.

First of all, I do not deny that in recent times SRK has been the only professional (notice, I do not call him an actor) to break into the incestuous film community. For that I respect him. He has achieved a lot in terms of money and fame, that is the truth and not subject to my acceptance of it. However, many people (perhaps including SRK) believe that this somehow makes him a ‘good’ person or someone who has knowledge about everything.  That cannot be farther from the truth, if being rich and famous were the criteria for being ‘good’, the names of several dictators come to mind that fulfil that criteria but were clearly bereft of all moral boundaries.

Anyway, just as an example of how this man will say literally anything to be considered intelligent can be found in the link below:

http://www.mouthshut.com/review/Shahrukh-Khan-review-lqnrolmqr

He claimed to have been selected into the IIT, but chose not to enter. However, I believe this lie was found out and he has never since mentioned his scientific achievements (or the lack of them).  I do not have any corroborative evidence since this is quite an old incident but will gladly remove this part if someone were to convince me.

My contention is that SRK has since in success veered more towards his religious affiliations instead of putting his country first. That, to me, is unacceptable.  From projecting a very secular imagine as recently as about 10 years back, he has increasingly indulged in Islamic references and clearly distinguishing himself from the culture of his hindu wife.

His strict adherence to his religion in itself does not bother me. He was born into a muslim family and (as is the case with most of us in all religions) decided to follow the religion of his parents. I wish him luck on his path. However, the recent foray into films like “My name is Khan” by him and his ‘close’ friend Karan Johar triggered the first doubt in my mind. My proverbial ‘bell’ rang a second time when he claimed to have been detained for several hours at some U.S. airport (the U.S. authorities said it was a little over half hour if I remember correctly).  He believed it was racial profiling, and it clearly was. But that isn’t wrong in itself since it is exactly this type of profiling that has allowed the U.S. to remain attack free since the 9/11 tragedy. I mean, if 99% (to borrow a useless statistic from Raul baba) of terrorists were from the Iyer community (for example), I would damn well want every Iyer getting on my plane to be racially profiled and searched. It is not ‘right’, but it is what works in combating the wanton terror that has been unleased upon us. I would expect SRK to feel embarassed about such profiling, rather than angry. I understand that this stand of mine is belligerent, but is it wrong, especially when you compare the security record of the U.S. versus India? My doubting antenna was next raised with SRK’s ‘close’ friend Karan made ‘New York’, an obviously loaded film about the Guantanamo Bay prison and how becoming a terrorist is justified under some circumstances. Another disturbing thing was SRK’s appearance in a toothpaste ad, where he describes germs as ‘Ravan’s army’, but mysteriously calls the toothpaste as ‘veer sena’…eh? Who was Veer (apart from a flop Salman film)? Why could he not say ‘Ram’s army’, is he so disgusted by the name of Ram that he will not utter it? It perhaps has a good reason, but the opposite (if I may) of Ravan is not some obscure ‘veer’, it is Ram and as a majority of the people in India believe, an incarnation of God.  It’s like this, in opposites, day vs. night, light vs. dark, man vs. woman, snake vs. mongoose, water vs. fire, black vs. white. If I suddenly said, no…black’s opposite is green, its not technically incorrect since black is a colour and anything non-black can be construed to be its opposite, but wouldn’t the questioner immediately wonder that I clearly had a problem with allowing the word ‘white’ to grace my lips?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzaV5VhXAjg

Anyway, none of these moves were technically ‘wrong’, but they did leave a bad taste in my mouth. Though I did save myself the pain of watching SRK in ‘MNIK’.

I now come to an interview given by SRK to NDTV, a channel whose loyalties at times appear misplaced to me atleast. I shall give the link and (self created) transcript first and then highlight the monumental objections I have with SRK’s views which are squarely an insult to every soldier fighting and martyred for India.

Transcript: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWWBd6MD0Ew

“Can I just say, I don’t know, am I wrong? Today there is some big controversy about some Pakistani gentleman’s picture in a government ad…Air Chief Marshal or someone…How is it?

I find it so strange that seven days ago all of us, what I am getting at I’ll explain to you, all of us reacted so vehemently that none of the Pakistani players were chosen, today we react vehemently when we had a Pakistani picture in one of the government ads.

You know…so do we love them? I think we immensely love them and why do we suddenly jump up and say this is not good, I think we have been misled by a lot of things that people say about us and them. And I truly believe they should have been chosen, as a matter of fact, I am not going to be the one who is opposite from what everyone else is saying, but, I wanted Abdul Razzak, I think it was in the newspapers even before the auctions started.

Pronnoy Roy: Lot of people believe in what you are saying right now…lot of people…

SRK continues: …and then he broke his wrist, the second part which I think has been explained is, for example, will I get into trouble for saying this, there is going to be a section of people who have suddenly gotten up and said, rightly or wrongly, it can be a different discussion but, “Australians will not be allowed to play”.

So here is a set of people who are spending 70,80,90 crore rupees on trying to win a tournament, and suddenly even if you say this much to me, I will be like “uh-oh, so should I take him, shouldn’t I take him?”

So tomorrow if we had known this, maybe even the Australians would not have been picked up. You know, so these issues always come on your heads. Stakes are very high, I am not giving an excuse, I truly believe, Pakistani players are the best T20 players in the world, they are champions, they are wonderful. But somewhere down the line there is an issue and we cannot deny it, there is an issue, we cannot keep on saying that “Oh, this was wrong”. Yes the way it was done maybe wrong, but you cannot keep carrying on saying “Ki koi issue nahin hain yaar, there are issues”, lets not deny it, everyday we blame Pakistan, everyday Pakistan blames us, and it is an issue.

And I have also the opposite of this. When my team had five Pakistani players in the first year. I still have Wasim Bhai as coach. People said “Aapke paas bahut sare Pakistani players hain”…come one man, sports should be left alone.

Before we react to any of these incidents, just hold back and say “yes there is an issue”. Both sides have a point so lets keep it easy, but let me be honest, I…my family is from Pakistan, my father was born there and his family is from there…I think all these issues…you are young guys, please,  trust me, can we just circumvent all that is said about India, Pakistan…by the politicians, by anybody else and say “It’s a great neighbour to have”, we are good neighbours, they are good neighbours, lets just love each other…”

*Thunderous applause from NDTV audience, I didn’t expect any better frankly*

My questions…

1)      How does SRK derive that all Indians love all Pakistani’s from a Paki picture mistakenly printed in and Indian govt ad? I would rather SRK spoke for himself, he loves Pakistani’s I don’t, and I am and Indian. Even if in SRK’s schizophrenic world all Indians did love all Pakistanis, a wrongful printing of a picture is certainly not the way to come to this conclusion? Or perhaps it is his superior IIT quality brain speaking?

2)      Pronnoy Roy should probably stuff it, has he taken a poll about what SRK is saying? How does he know a lot of people agree with him?! Clearly the communist intelligence agency is helping PR out here, right?

3)      My biggest opposition to this tirade by the IIT wannabe is his absolute refusal to saying anything bad (that is factual) about Pakistan without tagging the same thing to India first. Examples:

a.       everyday we blame Pakistan, everyday Pakistan blames us. Yes, we blame Pakistan and send evidence of it. I don’t think pakistan’s rantings about Balochistan should even be compared to that. The Pune bombings, the Mumbai bombings, the Gujarat train burning, the 3 wars that were heaped upon us, the support to Dawood…the list is endless is a fact. How dare this genius boy equate these real incidents to some things that India seems to have done in his own (perverted?) mind?

b.      sports should be left alone. I completely disagree with his. If your neighbour had just killed about half your family and then asked you to come out for a game of cricket with him, would you go? Probably not if you aren’t a sociopath, so why give Pakistan the leeway? The only reason anyone can say this is because SRK clearly does not consider Kashmiri Pundits that have been massacred to be his ‘people’, neither does he consider any of the other innocent men women and children who have died in Pak sponsored violence to be ‘his’.

c.       Both sides have a point. This is the most anti national statement he has made, to the best of my knowledge. He is acknowledging that in his twisted opinion Pakistan does have a point in what they are saying and doing. Is there a point to Pak sponsoring terror in India Mr. Khan? Clearly you think they do! Does Pakistan have a point in saying that Kashmir should be given to them, Mr. Khan? Clearly you think they do…you are saying it! I wonder if he got a moonlighted and got a PhD in international relations while he was pursuing his IIT? Such statements put even Rauls pearls of wisdom to shame! And that’s saying something…

d.      It’s a great neighbour to have. Right, this is just a blatant lie. Is Pakistan a great neighbour to have? We have had three wars, they massacred hundreds of thousands of hindus, they alone sponsor terror attacks in India. Is it a great neighbour? If I start bombing his beloved ‘Mannat’ everyday killing and maiming members of his family, will he call me a great neighbour to have? I can understand someone saying that it will be good to have good relations with Pakistan, but that’s future tense, to call them a great neighbour today (or a couple of years back), is nothing but a slap in the face of all the brave soldiers who die for a pittance to defend our country from the bombs and bullets SRK’s “great neighbour” fires across the border.

I personally believe that no right minded Indian should watch any SRK film, but I will not make that request. Simply because, people need to have enough pride in their ‘Indian-ness’ to do this on their own. I abhor all censorship, so I am not angry that SRK said all this, in fact its good, I learned where his real loyalties appear to lie. But its equally democratic to protest by not watching any of SRK’s films and refusing to fill the already overflowing coffers of a man, who probably places Pakistan above the country that gave him love and respect for the kind of films he unleashes upon us. 

“lets just love each other” seriously? Did he take a leaf out of Karan Johar’s “all about loving your parents” B.S.?

Barbershop…old school!

I like going to the barbers, in fact that is the only place apart from the airport that I can think of where I am unabashedly happy. The reason, these are the two places where I am not required to do anything…I can empty my mind and wander/ sit aimlessly for a little while before I re-enter the rat race. No expectations, no targets, just the tad helplessness of ‘being’ and leaving oneself in the hands of his maker (or his barber for that matter). Both places are then a spiritual experience, almost a pilgrimage one might say. This is the only true ‘time please’ left in real life.

Having being a patron at some of the most ‘exclusive’ salons in Europe and the Middle East, I can safely say there is no experience that quite bests the old school barbershop in India. Originally these places were owned by immigrants from Uttar Pradesh, that mantle eventually passed down to South Indians, especially those from the ‘tulu’ (better known as the shetty) community. The last few years have seen just about anyone opening these sacred places, but instead of diminishing the experience, these upstarts actually make the old hands more valuable to a connoisseur like me.

Me being a creature of habit have frequented only three such places in my life-time. The first one was a 5 seater extravaganza located near the Sane Guruji School. But this was in my child hood and the haunt was chosen for me my the assorted maids in my household with whom I’d be sent to get a haircut. I then shifted loyalties to a spin-off venture, one of the brothers (from UP, where else?) that ran the 5 seater place started a single seater shop near my house. I think I went there more because it was closer than anything else, till I eventually forgot the location of the place I used to go. This was not the best barbershop experience, my mane, which was quite flowing those days used to be inevitably crookedly cut and being a reserved kid I never asked for any different sort of a ‘cut’ or any additional services. In fact I never asked this guy anything, I don’t even know his name, and apart from the fact that he kept referring to his ‘muluk’, I don’t even know where exactly he was from.

The final place where I was eventually going to be ‘home’ is a place called ‘Deccan Hairdressers’ that is complete with the pictures of various hair cuts and film stars on its doors. This was also a more expensive place for me in my student days with a hair cut costs Rs25/- versus the Rs10/ at my old faithful. I was introduced to this place by a friend who used to get weird haircuts, but the importance of haircuts eventually waned for me with my hairline but the true potential of a old school barbershop was unveiled upon me by ‘Deccan’.

I love the smell of the place as soon as I enter. There is a ‘fresh’ smell of assorted lotions and potions and the shaving cream that I think is sold exclusively to old school barbers. There is the sound of surgical ‘snip-snip’ in the back ground that mixes in with a sound track that is forever stuck in the 60-70s time warp. Old film magazines, Star Dust from November 1999 et al, are strewn about as I take my seat in the waiting area. I almost only read these magazines here and am fascinated by the affairs of the filmstars. “Hum bewafa…hargiz na the…” plays in the background as I read about an actress…apt?

The place is filled with familiar faces, but in true bro-dition, this familiarity is acknowledged only by the slightest of nods of the head…over enthusiasm is not encouraged here. The owner is a ‘tulu’ (again, what else?) who probably came to Bombay wanting to be a film actor (judging by his hair stlye) but never quite made the ‘cut’ (pun intended). He clearly worked very hard to set this place up and now lords over at the ‘galla’ in shirts that can make you blind if you looked at them directly.

I take my seat as ‘In aakhon ki masti…’ plays. I am ultra stressed with work, personal life and Raul baba’s new antics, this is going to take some work. I go in for the shave, hair trimming, face massage and the head massage. My ‘guy’ looks sufficiently impressed. He asks if I want the foam for the shave…hell no! I am here for the experience, if I wanted the foam, I’d do it myself at home. I am down for the shaving cream which is lathered on a small katori that was probably as old as the shop. The mandatory spraying of water, the damp towel around my neck as I rest my head with my eyes closed. Ahh…this is the life I think to myself, the song in the background is oddly “Apni to Jaise taise…” Raul baba, my business that is bleeding me, politics, relatives, all begin to fade in the smooth lather that is being applied to my week long stubble that begins to get scraped off with an authentic ‘ustra’. The best part about this is that the lather is applied twice! Foam would have been faster, would have been applied just once and would have left fewer cuts, nothing pampers a man like two applications of shaving cream, and I was here to be pampered. After the final dabbing off the water and remainder of the cream, my face is rubbed all over with a small soap made of alum. Alum is the stuff that is used to purify water and has some antiseptic properties. The world has moved on to after shaves and even non burning after shaves (which I consider a bit like non-alcoholic beer…its cheating), but my own personal time machine allows me the pleasures of alum.

My hair cut takes short work, partly because my ample mane ain’t so ample no more and partly because I have just had a cut 3 weeks ago, and we move on to the face massage. My shop has succumbed to modern tradition and after about 2 minutes of facial scrubbing I am lathered in some sort of a green cream and subjected to a machine that blows steam in my face. This isn’t very relaxing, I think to myself as “Kuch to log kahenge…” bawls in the background. It does get more and more odd as the ‘face mask’ (I learn its called) tightens with the steam and I am thinking “what is this happening?!” Apparently the thing dries up on my face leaving it stretched, in between I manage to open an eye and lean close to the mirror and the full extent of my discomfort dawns on me…I look like an idiot with my face plastered in goo. Oh well…this is my pilgrimage and if I choose to spend it looking like an idiot, its my choice. Anway, finally the mask comes off, and the next five minutes are spent rubbing two more lotions into my skin. Both are extremely cold and from the way they feel I surmise than the one that made my face numb must be a white cream with no lustre and the other one that felt so cold that it burned must be a transparent cream with the consistency of hair gel. Of course, these are my estimations and may be completely different to reality, but who is to know as these mysterious ingredients are hastily put away before my eyes can be open and focussed.

I then move to the head massage, my favourite part of the routine. Oh my attendant really gets creative with this one. He never uses the bland massage machine like the others, this hand are enough, pounding and kneading at my head. I play “maalish, yeh tel maalish in my head” as the 1920s radio in the shop is not obliging with a song like “jab bhi koi kangana bole…” I truly surrender to the experience here with the guy twisting my neck to crack it, bending my arms and shoulders and fingers to stretch and ‘crack’ the joints. I do wonder if this is risky as my neck is perched helplessly over his hand in an awkward pose, but too late…CRACCKKK! I finally draw the line when he asks if I would like my spine ‘dislocated’ (am sure that not what he means)…In God I trust…nobody else dislocates my spine. I consciously choose the normal parachute coconut oil for this exercise despite my barber offering a wide variety of medicinal oils, cool oils, hot oils etc…that would just ruin the experience.

Anyway, the gent asks me “Bas?” at one point, and I say Yes…too much of a good thing is also bad. I get off the chair in a daze, as the song “Saara zamana, Haseeno ka diwana…” plays in the background. I struggle to keep disturbing images of Amitabh lit up like a Christmas tree from my mind as I make my payment and drop the customary ‘tip’ in my attendant’s front pocket. I wonder what makes this simple experience so noteworthy, or is its simplicity what makes it note-worthy. In a world that needs to make movies that stretch credulity to entertain and politicians that stretch credulity as a matter of course, where I see people blowing up enormous amounts of money to buy cars or evenings in clubs to feel ‘complete’ to feel happy, it is indeed satisfying to having something so simple, so inexpensive amongst us that is so truly relaxing. That’s about the last thought I have as I open the stubborn door, step out in the blinding sun and am hit with the sound of a needlessly loud horn.

"Mee Nathuram..." (3) Nathuram's encounter with his ex-colleague turned traitor

(no intention to copyright infringement, only a translation to the best of my abilities of this brilliant, brilliant, brilliant play)

When in jail. Nathuram had a chance run in with Digambar Badge. Badge was a co-conspirator who had agreed to be the prosecution’s witness in exchange for his own freedom. In the play, Nathuram says that while the meeting seemed to occur by chance, he himself suspected it to be orchestrated by Inspector Sawant, the second in charge of the Parliament Street police station, where the FIR against Nathuram was registered.

The conversation went as follows:

DB: Pandit (referring to Nathuram)…I…(silence)…how are you? How is Tatyarao Savarkar? Is the Delhi cold bothering him? Else I can request someone to get some warm clothes for him. Hows Gopal? Hows Karkare? Madanlal Pahwa? All of you have ostracised me…you must all be very angry with me.

But Nathuram, you are very different, from all of us. You were aloof from ground realities always. Pain, loss of face, physical discomfort, you never felt. I even told Gopal one, that you are the embodiment of what Krishna said in the Gita. You are made of a different clay…no you are made of stone…clay can be fashioned anyway…you are rigid.

When yours and Gandhi’s eyes met for an instant before you pulled the trigger, he would have realised he is being assassinated by a worthy opponent.

But Nathuram, I am not a man like you, I am ordinary, or even less than that if you want to call me. You have no idea how I have been harassed mentally and physically. Well…you were also beaten…but that was out of emotional outrage…but trained physical pain inflicted on me was different.

The guard told me though…when he came to hit you, you looked straight in his eyes and he was unable to hit you at all. But I don’t have your eyes Nathuram, I could not hold my own in front of their sustained beatings. I was scared…scared of death. It was very easy to say things like “I am ready to die”, but the experience is not that easy. The mere thought that I might die was enough to scare me and the desire to live took over me.

Nathuram…I want to live, I want to live…at any cost. (starts crying)

No, you can all continue to blame me…I can carry this burden of sin…but I cannot give my life up. Because I am ordinary. Forgive me.

Nathuram: People who stand on two stones can never find their feet. When they look down they only see the deep valley and feel dizzy.

DB: Before you go, all I want to hear from you is that you have forgiven me.

NG: There is no use for repentence, there is no use for it because the deed is already done. If you think you are doing some something wrong, remove that thought from your mind. To try to live, to struggle to save ones own life is not a crime…its your dharma (duty)…nay…its your first and primary responsibility. But while saving your own life, you must be cognizant that you are not taking another innocent persons life. If you had said you are not a Hindu, I would have been ashamed of you. But if your ‘confession’ only strengthens calls for my death, even then I will not be angry at you. Because I am willing to die. An eye for an eye is the law of nature. Gandhi is dead then Nathuram must also die. But only take care that your confession in 100% true. For even saving your life do not lie in court. Tatyarao is innocent…if someone is trying to implicate him through you, then you will not have forgiveness even in God’s court. Tatyarao is a diamond and we are just the setting for it, the setting should shape itself as per the diamond, not even try to eclipse it. You can leave now.

Who are we to worry about the Sun? When we think that the Sun is eclipsed, it is the defect in our sight…we are looking at the sun from a wrong place. When man goes to the moon, he will realise, the Sun is never eclipsed. 


(as a quick background, even though Veer Savarkar had nothing to do with Gandhi's assasination, he was arrested and allegedly Nehru tried to frame him. Veer Savarkar was so popular and fiery that Nehru was scared of his influence. In fact, when the arrest orders were issued, the policemen from the van that used to always tail him, were scared of arresting him in the afternoon, not wanting to disturb his siesta. Digambar Badge, was a coward in his own admission and decided to rat on Nathuram, Nathuram only cautoned him on falling to the governments ploy of implicating an innocent Savarkar in this matter. It is possible that this last 2 minute conversation made Digambar see the light and made him commit only the smaller of two mistakes. No evidence was found aginst Savarkar and he was released with no taint in this matter)