Indian government retires the name ‘Grahul’

The Indian government today unanimously passed a resolution retiring the name ‘Grahul’. Tabling the Act to Repeal Select Etymology, 2027 (A.R.S.E.) in parliament is only a formality thanks to wide disarray in the opposition, though its passage will have widespread implications. The Bill will effectively outlaw the usage of the name ‘Grahul’ by anyone in the country. Contrary to earlier speculations, ARSE has been applied retrospectively resulting in deep inconvenience for a lot of people who were unfortunate to already been given this name by their parents.

Defending the government’s ARSE, Mr. Milkshake Wingvi dismissed suggestions that formulation of his Act was done to curry favour and garner brownie points from the high command. The eminent lawyer shot back, arguing “…it was a well established precedent with jersey number 10 worn by Argentinean striker Maradona being retired several years back. This has also happened in several other sports. After all a name is just like a number…but with numbers instead of letters, so there is no legal hurdle to do this. This is being done to commemorate the 55^th birthday of India’s beloved youth leader and to mark his achievements”. However, the press meet was abruptly called to a halt just after a foreign journalist, unaware of Indian culture, audaciously asked for an elaboration of Grahul’s achievements.

The 600 section Act contains detailed rules regarding the use and misuse of the names specified in its Appendix. While currently the Act applies to only one name, it is rumoured that the government may include a few more over the next few years. The original name owner will have to suffix the words “ARSE” after using the name just like the words “TM” are used under the Patents Act. The rights holder to a particular name will be designated as the “proprietary ARSE holder” in legal parlance and will be able to grant rights to any other deserving person to take on that name, such persons will be designated as “special ARSE receivers”.

Apart from ordinary citizens with the misfortune of being named Grahul, eminent star Farukh Khan has been reportedly asked to dub about re-dub about 500 historical films of his where the protagonist name is now being ARSE’ed. This is clearly a developing story, watch this space. 

D:Fake news, meant to be satirical. Resemblance to actual real life characters is coincidental and I cannot be proceeded against!

Cult of personality

First blog of the year and am still not writing anything new. The old miasma that’s so seeped into our DNA is still so hard to get rid of that there is forever a backlog.

I would have loved to start off this blog with a story that is set in ancient Greece. A story that is half true, half legend about a generous and wise king, with an unpronounceable name that still sounds intelligent. A story about how the king reserved one day each week for other wise (and even unwise) men from across the kingdom to come and publicially (verbally) humiliate him. Why? Well, to keep him grounded of course! Well, sadly either this king never existed or I am not blessed with enough aesthetics to know or bother with greek fairy tales.

This is something that is a bee in my bonnet, a fly in my ointment etc, where we (especially Indians) have come to confuse actions with the personality behind actions. One of my favourite examples in this department is the ‘evergreen’ actor Dev Anand. We all remember his films growing up, while certainly not of great cinematic quality, thoroughly enjoyable, fun and with a semblance of a story. We also saw fall from grace with duds that I will be unable to even list out. So what happened? Did he somehow lose his talent overnight?

There are other examples. Nicholas Nassim Taleb, author of the immortal “Fooled by randomness”, then there is a Ram Gopal Verma, whose later works have been really very, very ordinary to say the least. Again, what happened? Did they lose talent almost overnight?

I believe the answer lies in the cult of personality that we Indians foster and that is a blot on the age old culture we claim to have inherited. What is the cult of personality? Nothing but transferring the positives of a great decisions, a great piece of art, a great strategic move, a great victory to the personalities behind the actions. To explain this in terms of my examples above, it simply means this: The moment Dev Anand went from “I make good films, hence people like them” to “I make films, hence people like them”, the downfall started. Ditto for others, IMHO.

But what seems to be a micro issue assumes gigantic proportions when a nation as a whole unconsciously subscribes to this transfer of glory, so to speak. A recent example, we all know of that a prominent cricket player, supposedly the best ever, the God of cricket and what not had requested for a tax waiver on a ‘gift’ conveniently given to him by a company whose products he hawked on TV. However anyone pointing this out suddenly becomes a persona non grata in India because the God of cricket cannot be wrong. Which doesn’t make sense! People transfer his talent on the pitch to every other action he performs. So because someone bats or bowls well, he cannot commit tax fraud?

There are several examples in the political class that meet this criterion as well. He or she cannot do anything wrong because they carry a certain surname or because they participated in the independence struggle or some other equally irrelevant reason. This is when this ‘cult of personality’ becomes serious. This is how people get elevated to saint-hood, and we all know once that happens, that person could literally stop his car in the middle of the street, kill the person nearest and proceed to cut, cook and eat his flesh in public, strip down and rub blood all over himself and it will still be ok. Of course I am exaggerating, but you get the gist.

I wonder what it is that pre-disposes Indians to this transfer of glory process. It has to be the feudal mindset that we have inherited from our ancestors How deep is this mindset, you ask? Check out simple everyday epithets, no one is a great actor or a star, he is the ‘baadshah’ or ‘shahenshah’ or ‘king’ of bollywood. We don’t have business heads or monopolists or captains of industry, we have, real estate ‘kings’ or liquor ‘barons’.  We don’t have upcoming politicians, we have ‘yuvraajs’, we don’t have good batsmen from small towns, we have ‘nawabs’ of najafgarhs.To use the latest pop phenomenon as a representative, the names of our IPL teams, start counting now, Chennai Super Kings, Rajasthan Royals, Kings XI Punjab, Royal Challengers, Kolkata Knight Riders and Pune Warriors. If 6 out of 10 teams have a ‘royal’ lineage, it is very reflective of this mindset.

It is this very mindset that gives even someone like Shah Rukh Khan the courage to protest because he was subjected to a routine search in the USA. Unlike India, USA is a bit more meritocratic and hence doesn’t care about his perceived social status. So I can understand his exasperation at being searched, afterall isn’t procedure for the cattle class, the ryot, the junta, the ordinary public to whom God hasn’t handed the rulers crown? It was this very reason that someone like Nusli Wadia can get into a international flight with absolutely no checks (http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report_nusli-wadia-detained-with-gun-in-dubai_1075253, incidentally I was sitting on the seat next to him on the flight), because his glory in business is transferred to his personality. He is royalty and hence not subject to laws. This is what allows some of our Dabang film actors (?) to get away with perhaps murder, literally.

It is this very mindset that allows someone to ask a question like “Do you support Anna Hazare?” instead of “Do you support the Jan Lokpal Bill?”. If we do not check ourselves we may land into a situation of making Anna another Mahatma Gandhi, whom we (oh well our grandparents anyway) obeyed even when we knew he was wrong.

If I was the ‘king’ of India, in honour of this fictitious greek king, I would devote half a day every week to inviting my severest critics to verbally abuse me personally, because only when the personality takes a back seats do people (esp Indians) concentrate on policy. . With so many kings and nawabs, the lure of royalty, the divine right to rule, the divine right, period, is too hard to resist. But resist we must, for the sake of the future of the country. Appreciate or criticise actions and thoughts, but not the person behind them, for if we do that then we can be sure of downfall.

Hypothetical commencement of the third world war

This is my visualization of how third world war commences. This is not a well thought out piece and WW3 is certainly not on my wish-list but I believe in weighing various possibilities given today’s volatile situation across the globe.

Given the unrest in the middle east, this is the most fertile ground for commencement of WW3. WW2 started, as I have learned from Indian history books (so it may be completely wron), when Germans felt insulted and alienated by the world community. Hitler sought to project an image of a superior race with other races either being killed or being made subservient to the Aryans (that he thought his race was).

Think about it for a second, don’t we have a similar situation in the middle east today? A whole bunch of people feel the non-believers are harassing them. They feel alienated notwithstanding some of their own weakness in assimilating with other cultures. The most recent example of this lack of assimilation is from Switzerland where Muslims want the flag changed because they don’t ‘like’ the cross! (http://english.pravda.ru/world/europe/12-10-2011/119306-switzerland-0/).

The other aspect, ie. Superiority complex is also already present, with all other faiths and paths being called “of the devil” and “false” and “satanic” by the hardline Islamic clergy.

All that this region lacks is a trigger and a flag bearer to lead the war. Could it be Iran and its strong leader? I don’t think so. Iranians are Shia and as such are much discriminated against. Plus the richest power Saudi Arabia is a pawn in US hands. I think the war will begin between India and Pakistan. This is also the reason I write this, to increase awareness of this possibility so that India may prepare itself for a long and arduous journey ahead that many of today’s “big boss” watching citizens are ill fitted for.

This is how it will go down:

Sooner or later, the U.S. is going to attack the north western border of Pakistan to stop the Pakistani army and the ISI from supporting Islamic terrorists. Already statements from Hillary Clinton, the army chiefs and some U.S. senators on their growing “frustration” with Pakistan are quite telling.

Pakistani army too feeble to respond on it own will want to draw its benefactor China into the fray. But China is not going to go against the U.S., so Pakistan must first bring India into the proceedings and it knows this. So Pakistani army will raise the bogey of how India helped fuel American planes or how it gave on the ground intelligence to the Americans and use this pretext to fire rockets into India or carry out 26/11 style terrorist attacks. India, scared as this government is, will have to respond due to public opinion and will send its army to take out terrorist camps across the border and in PoK.

We already credibly know that PoK is controlled by the Chinese and India will have to fight with the PLA in PoK. This will inflame China but it cant do anything directly since officially it has nothing to do with the PoK. So China will get Bangladesh, Nepal and Sri Lanka to respond to India under some pretext of the other. Sri Lanka already has the LTTE issue with India and Bangladesh has the border issue so finding reasons will not be difficult. Notably, these are relations that China cultivated when the Congress foreign minister was busy reading wrong speeches in the parliament. J

These countries hardly have an army to speak of, but they will be supplied with enough tanks and rockets and guns by China to make it a contest with India. Pakistan will take advantage of India’s predicament and invade us in Kashmir, Punjab and the Rann of Kutch. India will continue to fight on three fronts (North, East and South) fruitlessly. Eventually the political einsteins will realize that this is a losing battle as long as the supply chains to these four countries are not disrupted. The supply chain to Sri Lanka may be cut off by the navy, but the supply chain to Nepal and Bangladesh will invariable see the Indian army attacking some part of China. This will China the reason it needs to invade India with all the weapons it made while Indian politicians were busy counting the loot from the 2G give-away.

At this point, India will begin to lose territory, with significant parts of Arunachal Pradesh, Punjab, Gujarat, and almost all the North-Eastern states taken over and shared between Pakistan and China. India will have no option but to ask help from NATO, this will draw in western powers into war. Rapidly Islamic countries will project this as a war between angels and demons (with themselves as angels, obviously) and pledge support to Pakistan. While Saudis can do as much damage on the battlefield as a eunuch in a harem, that will not prevent them from selling fuel to the ‘God’s army’ and giving cash. Iran, which has so far been a friend to India, may use this an opportunity to ingratiate itself to the rest of the Islamic world and join their side.

With America in the fray, China will ask North Korea to attack Indian battleships that are keeping Sri Lanka in check. North Korea will then ‘preemptively’ attack South Korea and Japan to ensure that it can carry out its own operations against India in peace. China may use the proceedings to take over Taiwan, finally.

At this point local unrest will hit a lot of countries given the projection of this war as a ‘holy’ war (notwithstanding China that is an atheistic country). England will be first to withdraw from international conflict to concentrate on a domestic uprising that has come about as a result of a sustained demographic change. Alas, it will be too late for the Queen’s country to control its populace then and will agree to an uneasy truce with its own citizens on the premise that it will not side with the allies in this ‘holy war’.

Russia will choose to remain neutral in the war willing to supply anyone with money, gas, petrol, expertise and weapons. The war will end in stalemate naturally. Japan and South Korea will be completely devastated, Taiwan will be a part of China. Most of India’s north-east, north and north-west will be taken over by Pakistan and China. Pakistan, China, India and the U.S. will suffer exceptionally heavy damage. Russia will emerge as the new world superpower while U.S. and China, go into slow decline like what happened to the U.K. after WW2.

This is a hypothetical piece and no offense meant to any religion, so please don’t cut off my hands for typing this, no offense meant to the CONgress, so please don’t sue me.  I retract everything as I type it.

Faking News: Congress proposes fuel adulteration as solution for inflation

Harrowed by the never-ending corruption cases and uncontrollable inflationary pressures, the government is facing new protests over the most recent increase in fuel prices. Towards this end a high-level meeting chaired by Sonia Gandhi, UPA’s cabinet committee proposed the legalisation of fuel adulteration as the most effective solution for the problem.

Ex-Finance Minister Chidambaram was the first to meet mediapersons to explain the ground-breaking decision. “The law of demand and supply is the most fundamental building block of economics that I was taught in Harvard. See, India demands ‘x’ litres of petrol every year but only a lower, ‘y’, litres are available. This structural mismatch causes equilibrium to happen at a higher price point straining the public purse. The only way to keep prices stable then is to increase the availability of petrol. Since we have no magic wand, like the honourable Prime Minister has repeatedly clarified earlier, why not use adulteration agents to expand the supply of fuel”. Chidambaram continued “the beauty of the decision is that it simultaneously solves a lot of criminal and corruption issues as well and will hit a chord with the youth of today. With adulteration legalised, various criminal cases such as the burning of the municipal officer and the murder of a journalist recently can be closed without unnecessary arrests.”

In the aftermath of this landmark decision, it was after a long time that a confident Congress faced the opposition in the Lok Sabha. UPA spokesperson, Kapil Sibal, said that since no additional fuel would be imported to meet demand, this move would lead to a zero-loss to the exchequer. Rahul Gandhi, interrupted Zero Hour in the Lok Sabha to argue pointedly that since there are two Indias, why could there not be two fuels for the country – adulterated and unadulterated. He further proposed snatching the initiative and making constitutional changes to similarly regularise criminal activity and take workload off the various courts in the country. Only the Prime Minister Mr. Manmohan Singh seemed a bit surprised with the move and gave the impression of being left completely out of the loop on decisions being taken by his government. Digvijaya Singh when contacted for comments on the new fuel policy said “Hindus are the biggest threat to the world today. Unless dangerous people such as Baba Ramdev and Anna Hazare are not dealt with a firm hand India cannot hope to be a superpower. The cry to hang convicted terrorists like Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab only highlights the communal nature of the RSS and I have phone call transcripts to prove their involvement in the 9/11 attacks on the U.S.A.” While this comment seems out of place, media is now accustomed to it being repeated in response to any question that is asked of Mr. Singh.

The opposition is flabbergasted with the governments response and self-congratulatory attitude even as small time fuel adulterators reposed their faith in the elected government. There is already talk on publicising this unique decision as Rahul baba’s brainchild to launch him on the national stage in 2014 as a Prime Ministerial candidate.




--this is a work of fiction, all references to people living/dead or appearing to be living/ dead are coincidental and not meant to hurt their sentiments (in other words, I am perhaps an idiot for thinking free speech is allowed in India but please dont arrest me under the new cyber law) 

Why the sudden focus on Narendra Modi?

I have been intrigued by the sudden focus of the media on the impending battle between Shri Narendra Modi and Raul baba of late. While I may have normally dismissed this as the usual media frenzy, what interested me is the news of a surprise report in the U.S. Congress on the same topic. What truly reeled me in to the real story was another surprise report in the U.S. that to quote the article “Identifying Gujarat as perhaps the best example of effective governance and impressive development in India, a Congressional report showered praise on the chief minister Narendra Modi and said that the state under him has become a key driver of national economic growth” (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Narendra-Modis-Gujarat-best-example-of-effective-governance-US-report/articleshow/9977258.cms)

I said, hang on, isn’t this the same U.S.A. that had the audacity a few years ago to refuse the visa to an elected representative of India? Isnt it the same U.S. which publically condemned Modi for his alleged involvement in the 2002 riots? Why have they suddenly changed tune and why are these ‘different tuned’ reports coming out at the EXACT same time as the outcome of the Zakia Jafri case and just as the Congress party in India is tom-toming a 2014 Modi vs. Raul baba battle.

While clearly there is little to compare between Baba and Shri Modi, it is interesting to understand the genesis and the desperate need of the Congress government to trigger this debate (yes, I believe it is the Congress pulling Modi in to the PM race more than the BJP). The willingness of the U.S. to help the Congress party in this Goebblesque propaganda can perhaps only go to strengthen some people’s belief that the Indian government has a foreign hand controlling it (remember the PM was willing to resign if the nuclear pact was not passed but showed no such desperation in bringing an estimated US$1.4 trillion black money into India or arresting his corrupt colleagues or passing a Jan Lokpal bill). The coincidence of the U.S. report and the sudden attention by ‘independent’ media on this matter simple *cannot* be ignored.

To understand this, one has to consider the situation the Congress in India finds itself in today. The party has been facing an onslaught of corruption cases (which Subramanian Swamy alleges emanate from Sonia Gandhi herself - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnU6TT1l7OA). While they have no answer to the corruption cases (some of which have national security implications), Congress does have answers to terrorism, but such answers that I wish they had remained mum on this failing as well! Some examples:

A) Wikileaks reveals that Digvijay Singh, the political mentor of baba, has even admitted that they “pander to Islamists” (http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-09-06/india/30118345_1_congress-leader-digvijay-singh-regional-parties)

B) Baba himself was caught with his proverbial pants down by wikileaks while saying that its not the Islamic terrorists that are a threat to India but infact Hindus (http://ibnlive.in.com/news/wikileaks-rahul-voiced-fears-of-hindu-terror/137703-3.html), a mind boggling inference possible only for a complete idiot or to a divine entity (and we all know what Rahul is…divine or course! http://centreright.in/2011/06/some-popular-myths-revisited/).

C) Baba is incorrigible and decided to take another swipe at being a leader and after the umpteenth Mumbai blast which tore even the famous, post-expiry-date Mumbai Spirit to shreds admitted defeat and implied that they cannot stop all terrorist attacks (due to A above, perhaps?) and that we would have to continue to die in similar events and we should just accept it. (http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report_mumbai-blasts-rahul-gandhi-s-gaffe-puts-congress-on-defensive_1565905)

D) The Home Minister seemed to be scrambling to make an even more idiotic statement to take attention away from baba’s gaffe above famously stating that not having intelligence is not an intelligence failure (http://www.timesnow.tv/articleshow/4378649.cms). Isnt that a bit like saying, if I go for an exam and do not write a single word because I haven’t studied, is not a examination failure? Will I get promoted to the next class then? It would seem so because these statements suggest that some of these eminent politicians have passed school on such a basis alone!

The economy is in shambles with inflation running in double digits and the PM publically complaining on more than one occasion that he doesn’t not have magical powers to deal with problems that thus far I thought were issues that could be handled administratively. On the other hand, the State of Gujarat is proving the Indian adage of ‘nothing can change’ wrong almost on a daily basis.

Anyway, the examples are endless but this gives one an idea the dire straits Congress finds itself in today and this will make clear why Congress is so keen to project a 2014 Modi versus baba battle today. (I leave the merits of the Zakia Jafri judgement given my limited legal knowledge and with both sides claiming victory).

So what does the dirty-tricks-department of my favourite party do, they decide to make 2014 (I still think it might be 2011) a personality contest. They use the confusing outcome of the Jafri case to suggest that Narendra Modi has now moved beyond the shadow of 2002 to emerge as a frontrunner PM candidate in the BJP. This achieves three purposes,

A: Foster a divide in the opposition: Even as a doddering Advani decides to do another Rath yatra to hang on to his distant dream and Sushma Swaraj eyes the post of the PM, the emergence of Narendra Modi will cause friction within the BJP and cause some important functionaries to break away. Already we have the Janata Dal (United), a small faction in the NDA, saying that they want Nitish Kumar as the PM and not Narendra Modi. If these guys start bickering over *just* rumours imagine what will happen when the actual names are announced whosoevers they may be! This is exactly what the Congress wanted. In fact they want to raise the stature of Narendra Modi to such an extent that he himself no longer tows the party-line and demands to be made the PM candidate alienating himself from even his well-wishers.

B: Polarise the country: Congress believes that Narendra Modi is the most polarising figure in the country today. Many Muslims and Christians may be demoralised by their traditionally favourite party given the almost brazen, legalisation of corruption (what else do you call it when contracts buying toilet rolls for US$100 are freely put up for public viewing and bribes in the 2G case are being paid via cheques?). The Congress wants its vote-banks to continue to vote for it by apparently saying “look on one hand you have the divine baba, the Son, the saviour, the man who knows too little; and on the other hand you have the satanic Narendra Modi. Sure we are bad and we looted the country and probably will continue to do so but still is that worse than having Narendra Modi at the help, the dealer of death (Sonia Gandhi’s words I think?).

C: Divert attention of its failings: By getting India’s ‘independent’ media to focus on a hypothetical battle between improbable contenders at an undecided date, they take attention away from the various court cases the party and government are entangled in. Soon Anna Hazare is forgotten as is Baba Ramdev as is Jan Lokpal, 2G, 3G, CWG, Food scam, Antrix Devas, Air India, Indian railways, inflation, crime, bomb blasts, terrorism, China invading India everyday and the countless other failings that have become the hallmark of a party over the last 60 years. Soon people get caught up in the usual media inanity and then the Big Bossssss season 5 or 6 or 7 or whichever starts and then people will forget everything paving the way of The Son’s re-election in 2014 which He will fight most probably against a Nitish Kumar or a Jayalalitha anyway.

What can people do? Most simply, not get drawn into comparisions. Understand the real game plan as I have, Whoever contests and wins in 2011 or 2014, we want a clean government and we want culprits to be brought to book. Even as I write I see news that the government may be considering an amnesty scheme for black money stashed abroad. That is fine, give amnesty for money taken out to save tax, but what about money earned through illegal means? Are we going to condone that? What about money stashed abroad by politicans? Why cant we know their names and amounts? This government has more experience in mangling the truth that anyone else in the world and they will do anything to take our eyes off the corruption scandals that have erupted. This is India’s last chance to get rid of the corrupt lot, do not lose sight of the real issue. Demand more rights, snatch them if you have to. Bring those who have looted this country since independence to book and use the confiscated wealth to better our country. The opposition should learn the benefits of unambiguous leadership from the Congress, it prevents bickering and infighting and projects a strong united front for people to vote in favour of. The best thing BJP and the NDA can do today is have a marathon week long session and come up with a PM candidates name and stick to it. Even if Modi is not made the PM, there are positions like Home Ministry or Defence Ministry that he can do a great deal for. Remove this speculation once and for all and gear up to win elections when they come. Do not dig a hole for the Congress and then jump into it first.

*the above is the work of fiction and any resemblance to people living or dead or appearing to be living or dead is coincidental and neither wished to be expressed or implied*

The Anna-gony of weak minds…

With anti-corruption fervour reaching a crescendo, India unfortunately has a lot of its usual naysayers come out of the woodwork. This is not surprising as there is a mentality of certain people who enjoy taking a contrarian stance, not out of conviction but out of habit (more often than not, these creatures lack the ability or the desire to understand the issues to form a conviction either way). Perhaps psychologists have already identified this as a condition emanating from the inability to garner attention in their lives, I don’t know. Or perhaps I am mistaken in considering myself the biggest cynic around, and it is these people who really deserve the title who are so afraid of expecting anything good in their lives lest they cant handle disappointment afterwards. Even if it were to end in disappointment, I believe in trying to give my all to the present and to such people I can only say, you cannot not go to a party tonight because you are scared of a hangover tomorrow.

Most of the arguments against the ongoing ‘Team Anna’ movement are focussed on the peripheries given that having substance to arguments takes efforts and intelligence. Since I know most people form views and then shut their minds tight (if they exist) from any information that is contra to what they believe, I have chosen to call my discussion facile points and my indulgence of those facile points rather than questions and answers:

Facile point 1: Once a government is elected, it is wrong to blackmail them

Indulgence 1: Weak minds like buzzwords, like ‘blackmail’. Another good one is ‘fake’. These words, to them, are arguments in themselves not requiring any further corroboration. “Once I call someone ‘fake’, that will seal the case” seems to be the refrain. Have you noticed very bad salespeople using a lot of buzz words? I remember Barkha Dutt keeping on harping about “Khabar” when she was caught red handed allegedly passing messages in what appears to be a horse trading transaction.

While clearly buzzwords carry weight among equally weak minds (it must, else it would not have been advanced as an argument anywhere), it really doesn’t hold any water. It is the constitutional right of everyone to protest and to brand that right is blackmail is to take someones right away. It is similar to taking away the right to freedom or right to free speech. If the protest is wrong or useless it will die down. Sometimes the protest is valid but does not capture public imagination and dies down, harshly. An example is the 73-day fast of Swami Nigamananda against mining near the Ganges which ended with his death. Notably, here the BJP was in power in that state (Uttarakhand). No one cried ‘blackmail’ then!  In fact I am sure that most people reading this article will only have a passing knowledge of this incident. So what these people are calling blackmail is actually the governments surprise on seeing mass support, as can be gleaned from the Ganga mining case, a person fasting to death alone is not ‘blackmail’ this government!

Facile point 2: People get the government they deserve, so live with corruption

Indulgence 2: Though I partially agree with the point, thankfully the Einsteins who make this argument blindly did not write India’s constitution. It is a sign of a mock democracy (covert dictatorship) if people elected parties but were then kept away from participative process of running the country. That’s a quasi dictatorship. If it was not, then the Indian constitution would have banned protests! Why it would have banned an opposition or even the holding of assembly sessions!

But that’s going too far, if this argument was true then several countries would not have been free and South Africa, U.S and most of the European world would have had legalised racial discrimination.

If this argument was really believed in by its proponents, then they should have protested against the National Advisory Commission which is also a self styled civil society body (though headed by Sonia Gandhi) which suggests ridiculous (in my reading) pieces of legislation such as the Communal Violence Bill, 2011.

But I know, no protests were forthcoming because the resistance of this fringe idiocracy was not due to ideological opposition to the concept of a vibrant democracy (which India did not appear to be till a few weeks back) but solely to make up for attention deficit in their personal or professional lives.

Facile point 3: Anna is corrupt/ he doesn’t represent the people/ he should stand for elections and then get his Bill

Indulgence 3: This logic is so far up the ridiculous scale that even its proponents believe that it’s a good argument.

The most striking feature of this argument is that from very general objections, this one is more specific, more personal. But again, specific arguments against the Jan Lokpal Bill itself (the real issue) are not advanced, because that would require a thorough reading of both the government and Anna’s draft, and that would mean efforts and bring into question the debaters mental abilities. We cant have that!

To this my rebuttal is simple. Maybe Anna is corrupt, so are you saying he is bringing an Act that will make it easier to arrest him? So you are saying he is smart enough to create a media circus, draft an actual bill, fight with an government and be corrupt at the same time but he is stupid enough to commit political suicide? Pick one guys, either decide he is smart and non-corrupt or decide he is stupid and corrupt. Perhaps that is too much effort? But that is the long form version of my answer, my personal view is, I don’t care either way. Show me what you find objectionable in the Bill. I too have my reservations on the Jan Lokpal but that is to be debated in the parliament and revised, but the governments Jokepal is so atrocious that I am willing to live with my reservations on Jan Lokpal not being considered rather than facing a Jokepal.

Anna does actually represent the people, he was appointed by a notification in the official gazette as a part of the team that represented the civil society. If the government did not think he was representative then were they so incompetent/ stupid to let him in anyway with a official gazette notification? If it is so, then do we want a incompetent/ stupid government at the helm or are we better off holding elections? That is my question back to these newtons. Anna does not need to stand for elections to get his Bill discussed as he was already part of the joint drafting committee. Also, if one were to wait for someone to get near 300 seats in elections before doing anything then nothing would happen in this country!

Facile point 4: Anna wants his copy of the bill to be passed.

Indulgence 4: This argument was completely wrong till a few days back but now its only partially wrong. The original demand of Anna was only that his bill be tabled along with the government’s draft in parliament for debate and voting. However, from what I see in the media Anna is now demanding his Bill be passed. However, Anna is also willing to concede to things like removing judiciary from its ambit. So in fact Anna was always willing to reconsider some of his view on the bill and that’s why he wanted it to be debated in parliament. Such debate would have also shown the country which party supports stringent anti corruption laws and which doesn’t!

Facile point 5: Everyone/ most who is protesting are corrupt themselves or have paid bribes

Indulgence 5: While this is a factual statement to a degree, it is hardly an argument for someone not to protest. The people protesting against corruption have been victims of corruption at some point, so should they not protest? This is like saying a rape victim should not ask for stringent punishment for rapists! It sounds illogical but this is exactly the argument that is being advanced. The proponents of this logic are somehow arguing that the poor bribe payer enjoyed giving the money away so he cant protest against it (why else would there be a moral issue in bribe payers fighting the corrupt?!), so are they also saying the rape victim enjoyed the act, hence cant fight for justice?! How preposterous is that!

It is also worthwhile to discuss what exactly one means by corruption as well. Subramanian Swamy has given us a ‘demand-side’ definition, ie. If anyone makes gains by the misuse of public office, then that is corruption. So if a husband demands dowry it is not corruption, its extortion, since no ‘public office’ was misused. So even if Baba Ramdev may have received donations (as the Congress alleges to try and discredit him) from black money pools, he cant be called corrupt (Swamy gives a good taxi driver analogy to make his point), since he has not used a public office for illegal gain. Moreover, his books are clean and available for examination so appears to have not been any cheating on the way the money was spent.

I propose to look at corruption from the ‘supply-side’. I divide it into two categories: a) corruption for undeserved benefit and b) Corruption in the nature of extortion. The first type is the one of the kind telecom companies allegedly indulged in, they were not qualified for legal and technical reasons to gain 2G spectrum but they bribed the telecom minister who misused public office and conferred undeserved gain. This type of corruption would seldom be complained against by its parties since both have gotten something out of it which they didn’t deserve. A telecom company got a scarce national resource for peanuts and the minister allegedly got billions and billions of dollars.

The second type of corruption affects common man (though arguably it’s the first type that’s worse for the country financially). Indians pay bribes for driving licenses, for almost every other sort of license, to get into colleges, to get passports done and what not. In poor areas people may be paying bribes to get government sponsored scheme benefits, to get out of jail, to get into government hospital, to get into public schools, to get food, to get water, to get anything. I think it’s a cruel joke, in very bad taste and a reflection of the uncouth culture of the person who equates both types of corruption knowingly.

So yes, most people protesting have paid bribes but they are the victims of the second type of corruption. Yes, a lot of them could have avoided (though sometimes that is not possible!) paying a bribe but people have lives, they cant afford to (not that they don’t want to) keep circling government offices for decades for something that should take 48 hours. This is like saying Mumbaikars go to work the day after serial blasts due to some sort of an ‘Mumbai spirit’ that only politicians seem to be able to see. People go, fearing for their life and limb, because they have no choice! They go because, unlike leaders, they don’t have money stashed away in swiss bank accounts to allow them to stay indefinitely at home without work. If anything a bribe payer of the second type has the most locus standi to protest!

I have endeavoured to answer all the facile arguments I have seen made on various social media mostly by people who are not doing anything in this fight and want to ride on Anna’s fame by deriding him. Deride him all you want, just tell me….what do you think is wrong with the Jan Lokpal Bill!

World's most expensive blog post

This is the story of an ordinary man travelling from Dubai to India after a brief working-vacation.

The man in question was carrying a flat screen TV (which are about 60-70% cheaper in Dubai than in India) back home. He had read up on all customs duty rules that told him the import duty on the TV would be about Rs3500-3800, a great deal cheaper than a similar TV in India. Ah, but the presumption (and it was being presumptuous!) being the existence of at least one honest Indian, that has become something of a Loch Ness monster, everyone has heard of, but no one has seen it.

The hapless traveler was accosted by six customs officials at the booth who took away his passport without reason and assessed the value of the TV at 4 times what was stated in the bill. The resultant duty demand was raised at Rs40,000. (about 10x as much). Given that the Indian Customs rule do not allow anyone carrying more than Rs7500 in cash to the country, instead of raising this demand, the customs officials, if acting in good faith, should have confiscated the said import. 

Surprised by the sudden development, the traveler took the high road downloading customs duty rules on his iPhone and showing the 'gang' the correct duty that is to be levied. The customs officials gave him two choices:

1) the traveler stay in their 'custody' for an unspecified duration, of course without a warrant or any official notification till such unspecified time they feel he has been harassed enough to pay up; or

2) he pay the duty that he is calculating and leave. But there is a hitch, in words of the head of customs at the airport, "If some policeman happens to search you as you leave the airport, and if he happens to find something seriously contraband on your person, what will you do, you will be in serious trouble!"  

So the traveler has two choices, either to remain in custody indefinitely or then run the risk of being arrested with a gram of cocaine or something of the sort being surprisingly 'found' on his person. 

There is a third choice that is offered by the loyal servants of government of India themselves..."why dont you just take care of the situation privately?". So the traveler who has so far prided himself of not having ever paid a bribe ever is forced to go to an ATM that is conveniently placed just past the customs station (wondering if that is the sole purpose of it!) to withdraw cash to pay Rs13,000 to these people. Given that honesty and fair dealing is extremely important to this man, he agrees with himself that these are just fees he has paid for a) learning how honest people are forced to pay bribes by the threat of an arrest of a possible drug related charge that would end his life and career and b) investment advice on not investing in a country that is in a terminal decline.

After making the payment to a policeman who collects the money in the cleaning room, who also escorts him out of the airport, the traveler is struck by the need to make a police complaint. But he remembers that it is one of the gravest crimes in India to give a bribe. This would lead him to be liable for an arrest when he goes to the cops about being ripped off and then they will demand more money to let him go lest they charge him with some other crime. Clearly, the framers of this law either believed that people like giving money away, most of all to corrupt government officials and this law should be enough to prevent such illicit happiness from spreading or then the lawmakers did not want to clog the police stations with corruption complaints that would not be acted upon anyway.

The man also realises as he walks to a cab that his other luggage has not been scanned or searched. It also answers the question on how explosives are smuggled into India to kill 100s of people in bomb blasts. 

All it takes is a TV and Rs13,000.

*The above work maybe the work of fiction and resemblances to real people or situations is coincidental.*